29 July 2011

I apologize for my over-sharing.

  • I was wrong.
  • I am a compulsive over-sharer.
  • I am excitable.
  • I talk myself into trouble.
  • My brain overflows... often.
  • My intentions are good.
  • My actions were misdirected.
  • I regret my inconsiderate ways.
  • I want your forgiveness.
  • I need your help.
This month I repeated the mistake I have made with every social medium. I got excited about new opportunities to share among a new network of people who value my perspective. I spoke without first listening closely to others. This was an unfortunate mistake. I poorly represented myself, those who believe in me, and those who have welcomed me in their lives.

I offer you my apology; I ask  for your forgiveness.

My over sharing was inexcusable. After the break, I provide the unrelenting ramblings that you expect of me. These are the reasons I think and act this way. This is why I yell and how I think. This is who I am.
Welcome to our network.

Thank you for this second chance.
  • I believe my words have value.
  • I believe my word has value.
  • I believe I am one of many.
  • I believe you can trust me.
  • I value your trust.
A leader of the technology industry just made a huge power-play in the world of information sharing. I am heavily invested in communications through media. The investments I have made in my continuing education depend on a thriving information industry.

I am increasingly concerned that I will never find a career to sustain my interests. I am afraid that I will fail to contribute in a meaningful way to the wants and needs of humanity. I have convinced myself that it is my obligation to do the most good I can, and anything less is failure.

I have failed, but I am not a failure. I will not fail in this. I do not have money and I do not have friends; I do not have influence. I have ideas. Some have evolved from those of my peers, but many of them manifest themselves from newly formed associations between other ideas.

If my ideas are good they need no help from influence; if my ideas are good they will be propelled by virtue of goodness alone.

I have not been diagnosed, but I believe I suffer from attention-deficit hyperactivity and obsessive-compulsive disorders; that is to say, I constantly jump from one obsession to another. I doubt the problem is in the build of my internal, neural network; the way I handle the information constantly flowing within the network is where the unsolved challenge remains.

My temporary obsession with psychology only resulted in enough understanding of myself to attain this depth of honesty. Venturing further risks digressing in this post, and that is exactly the issue I am failing to address. I cannot use will alone to change how my neurons communicate. I do not have that ability. I have found limited success with meditation, but the problem persists. I want to think I am a genius, but that is more based in fear of the alternative than evidence to support my claim.

I struggle to communicate, and this informs a discussion of global, neural network applications. My obsession with information sciences has not developed significantly enough to relate this idea in specific terms. I believe that I know it to be true, in the same way that I believe the things I know are true. Given an opportunity to discuss the challenges the communications industry faces, I add value to the conversation which in turn adds value to the network.

I like the Internet, but I am the problem. Not me specifically, until this latest network iteration, but the person who shares how I share. You know exactly who he is, unless you've had him blocked so long you've forgotten. I want to cut down the noise on the Internet, and I make a lot of noise about it. I make a lot of noise about everything that piques my interests. I share so much that I fail to take the time to synthesize that information and distill some new meaning that will add value to a conversation. I feel like I am withholding the potential for someone else to learn if I delay the exchange.

I am the problem, but I'm not the worst among those like me. I am the problem, but I want to be a part of the solution. I want to learn to be the solution to these failures of communication and then teach others that a solution exists. I want to help free the others like me from our greatest struggle: our constant battle to find meaning and be meaningful. If my contributions to society do not have meaning, neither do I.

I refuse to believe that my existence is meaningless. I am one of the masses, and the masses have meaning.

I am just one among the people who share this space as best we can. I try to do the right thing and be a good person. I genuinely strive to add value to our global discussion. I have been going about this the wrong way.

I was standing in the streets screaming at the top of my lungs all night about how loud it was outside. That is not how I want to represent myself. I thought what I was screaming was so important I had a moral obligation to share it as loudly and as widely as possible. My approach was misguided, and I am learning from my mistake. I was fortunate enough to eventually stop screaming at people who could hear quite clearly how loud the streets have become at night.

I read an article written by an expert in the networking industry that informed me on the significance of my failures to properly mitigate my data sharing. That article made a lot of sense; it taught me how poor my methods have been. My methods were poor, but my idea persists. I have publicly embarrassed myself; I am ashamed of the negative impact my actions have on the people and institutions who trust me to participate in open, honest, and mature conversations that add value to our global discussion.

I should know better; I do the same thing with each new social network. If not for the advanced quality of the latest iteration of networks, I would still be standing alone in an abandoned cul-de-sac, yelling, and wondering why I am all alone in the universe. Without this latest iteration of networks, I would still believe that I am unique and alone.

I believe I am not alone.
I believe we can help each other.
I believe this is only the beginning.

I believe we are not evil.